Most of us, at some point in our lives, have stood in the way of our own growth.
We make progress on a project, start to feel hopeful about a relationship, or finally get on track with a goal, and then we do something that undermines it.
We fall into a procrastination spiral, pick a fight, or simply quit; in doing so, we talk ourselves out of something that could potentially bring us happiness.
There’s a name for this kind of behavior: self-sabotage.
Dr. Mark Travers, an American psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder, wrote an essay at Psychology Today about four well-studied reasons why people sabotage good things, based on research in psychology.
Avoiding blame
According to Travers, one of the most consistently researched patterns in self-sabotage comes from what psychologists call self-handicapping.
He said this is a behavior in which people create obstacles to their own success so that if they fail, they can blame external factors instead of internal ability.
A prime example comes from classic research in which researchers observed students who procrastinated studying for an important test. The ones who failed mostly attributed it to a lack of preparation rather than a lack of organization or discipline.
Self-handicapping is not simply laziness or whimsy. Rather, it is a strategy people use to protect their self-worth in situations where they might perform “poorly” or where they might be perceived as inadequate.
Fear of failure or success
People often think of the fear of failure as the main emotional driver behind self-sabotage.
But research points to the fear of success as an equal, yet less-talked-about engine of the phenomenon. Both fears can push people to undermine opportunities that are actually aligned with their long-term goals.
He said people who worry that failure will confirm their negative self-beliefs are more likely to adopt defensive avoidance tactics, like procrastination or quitting early.
Fear of success, though less widely discussed, operates in a similar fashion. What motivates this fear is the anxiety that comes with the consequences of success.
So, self-sabotaging success can be a way to stay within a comfort zone where expectations are familiar, even if that zone is unsatisfying.
Negative self-beliefs
Self-sabotage is tightly intertwined with how people view themselves. When someone doubts their worth, their ability, or their right to be happy, they may unconsciously act in ways that confirm those negative self-views.
Psychological theories help explain this.
Self-discrepancy theory proposes that people experience emotional discomfort when their actual self does not match their ideal self. This mismatch can lead to negative emotions such as shame, anxiety, or depression.
Coping with stress and anxiety
Self-sabotage often emerges in moments of high stress or emotional threat. When people feel overwhelmed, anxious, or stretched thin, their nervous systems shift into protective modes. Instead of moving forward, they retreat, avoid, or defensively withdraw.
Threat or uncertainty can reduce cognitive regulation and increase avoidance behaviors. In situations of perceived threat, even if the threat is potential success or evaluation, people can default to behaviors that feel safer, even if they undermine long-term goals.
