* How do you feel these days?
- When death becomes the only item on the agenda, man has no other purpose than to stay alive. If the goal is achieved, then there will be plenty of time later for explanations, assessments and the tally of losses. If it is not, then it is game over.
* But you didn’t answer the question.
- I’m not going to lie to you. It is a difficult question for a man like me. I am usually optimistic and I have grown used to boasting of this when responding to such a question. The circumstances are different now. The time I am spending wandering around at home is making me depressed. It is not easy to wake up and find that you are bearing witness to the greatest hostage taking in history. It is a hostage taking on a global scale and you don’t have a clear kidnapper whom you can negotiate with. The feeling that you, along with the entire world, have fallen in the clutches of a dark hand breaks your confidence.
* Confidence in whom?
- Everything. It’s enough that you can’t call anyone to help you. The mysterious enemy is the fiercest enemy. It is scary to find yourself confronted with a secret and serial killer whose madness has not yet been figured out by scientists. We used to believe that man had reached the height of his power and invisible viruses could no longer result in such a terrible number of coffins and graves throughout the globe. We are the sons of scientific and technological progress. We used to believe that our labs were prepared for the worst surprises and that pandemics that wipe out cities and decimate populations and nations were a thing of the past. We used to believe that man, who can visit planets and decipher the unknown, would not stand helpless in reining in a horrible killer. We had absolute trust in labs, universities, science and scientists, especially after we sensed that the “global village” was inching closer to handing over the controls to robots in the age of Artificial Intelligence and successive revolutions and discoveries. I don’t want to lay to rest science and technology. If I did, then man would once again revert to being helpless before fate and the fury of nature as he did during ancient times when he cowered from thunder and lightening.
The disaster also struck our trust in some nations, specifically their institutions that seemed burdened, old and ill-prepared to confront such a surprise. It is as if the world had grown too self-assured or greedy. We don’t want to get carried away with eulogies. The world was never a charity. It was more of a jungle that gradually began to advance and draft laws and regulations in order to rein in the barbarity of man against man and allow him to protect himself against savage nature.
* Does this mean you are experiencing a crisis of confidence?
- The disaster has rattled our perception of the world’s major powers. Your image of America, with its universities, fleets and businesses, is shaken when you listen to Donald Trump talk about the number of fatalities without being able to stop the tally. It’s no easy feat for a small germ to bring the loud and vibrant New York to its knees and for the world to witness as the victims are buried in mass graves. Trump was not the only figure struck by the disaster. It has also shaken the image of the emperor seated indefinitely on Mao’s throne and the James Bond-like figure sitting in Joseph Stalin’s office.
We won’t talk about Europe. The pandemic has torn its aura and spirit to shreds. It assassinated the feeling that any state could find protection in the European fold. Europe has been dealt a multifaceted defeat. It is likely that we will witness a different Europe emerge in a different world. When your confidence in those whom you believed were strong is shaken, then you become engulfed in worries and questions that you were not used to asking or free enough to think about.
* What kind of questions?
- We did not have time to ask questions to ourselves and about ourselves. This isolation has taken us to new unchartered territory. The revolving walls that surround you push you towards addressing issues you did not tackle when the horizon was open and opportunities for success were available. Fear was not part of your everyday meal and concern did not cling on to your clothes, walls and spirit.
* But life has been kind to you.
- That’s true. I have worked at financial institutions and spent years shuttling between airports and meetings. Years of success and running around mercilessly that make you forget your body and soul. Just when you start to feel these accumulating successes and that you own more than you need, something comes along to remind you of your weakness and return you to your cycle of anxiety. It is difficult to remain composed when you know that the losses after the disaster will be catastrophic. Millions of unemployed people. Bankrupt institutions and fragmented governments. Widespread outrage and raging protests. The institutions that used to spread fear in order to maintain the calm have aged. The antidotes that used to spread calm and postpone the inevitable have also aged. We are on the path towards a world of high unemployment, poverty and despair. This is not the first time that the world experiences catastrophic conditions, but it is painful that the major calamity was caused by a mysterious virus that will leave its mark on our political, economic and social future.
* How do you pass your time?
- I pass the hours on books, movies and agonized wandering around the house. My faith in books has also been shaken. The coronavirus is better than them in changing the shape of the world. My enjoyment of movies has also waned. The pandemic’s imagination is richer than that of movie directors. I apologize for my depressing words, but it’s the truth. Isolation strips you of your defenses and leaves you helpless in weathering the storm. Banks where you have spent years of your life are closed and deserted. Squares that you have loved are being eaten away by emptiness. The world is at a standstill. This is the greatest hostage crisis in history.
* What do you want?
- I want the coronavirus to free its hostages. These revolving walls are killing us.
