Since the United States went to war with Iran six months ago, Courtney Sanders has been helping soldiers’ families fill the gaps left by their loved ones.
There are school pickups to coordinate, lost incomes to supplement — and the ever-present separation anxiety.
“It's like being on pins and needles all of the time,” Sanders said.
She leads the Chicagoland chapter of Blue Star Families, the nation's largest nonprofit serving military families, and her own daughters are in the US Navy. They have served in various overseas locations over the past six months, including the Middle East.
The US has more than 50,000 troops stationed across the region and has deployed thousands of additional Marines and sailors to support the war effort. Eighteen US service members have been killed in the conflict and more than 750 wounded.
During the war's on-and-off fighting, shuttle diplomacy and failed peace talks, military families have experienced a “roller coaster of emotions,” Sanders said. “The moment that you feel you're able to take a breath, you get gut-punched again.”
These are familiar pressures for the partners and children, mothers and fathers, of American troops. But the suddenness of the Iranian conflict, and its fitful pace, have had a compounding effect, relatives told Reuters.
In a Blue Star Families poll of some 200 active-duty military families in early March, 81% reported elevated stress from the Iran conflict.
The group has responded by stepping up its programming, creating online resource hubs, hosting webinars and in-person meet-ups, and matching military spouses going through a deployment for the first time with those who have been through it before.
Many service members' deployments have been extended unexpectedly. The USS Abraham Lincoln aircraft carrier went more than 200 days without a port call — a modern-day record, according to Democratic lawmakers — and military outlets reported suicide attempts and declining morale among its 5,000 sailors and Marines.
US Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth said the reports “completely misrepresented” the conditions on board.
Some military families find themselves in financial straits.
National Guard members, for example, often work regular jobs when they are not deployed. The sudden loss of their main paycheck can make it hard for those left behind to keep food on the table, Sanders said.
"There is a huge misconception in the civilian world that if you are in the military, all of your bills are taken care of,” she said. “And that is just frankly not true.”
In a statement, the Pentagon said: "We see these families (and) we hear their concerns. We will do whatever is necessary to provide the resources, assistance, and stability they need and deserve during these challenging times."
'A LOT OF EMOTIONS'
Shannon, an Army spouse and mother of three in North Carolina who requested Reuters use only her first name for security reasons, tries to tune out the news and the political debate surrounding the war.
In February, her husband deployed to the region with five days' notice and could only contact her sporadically for the first several months.
Although they have maintained near-daily communication since June, "there are a lot of emotions,” Shannon said, “especially when people are dying over there.”
Her children started therapy over the summer. She tries to be strong in front of them, but cries sometimes when they’re not around.
Soon after her husband's deployment, Shannon joined an Army-sponsored soldier-and-family "readiness group" within her husband's unit, helping organize meal trains and other support for family members in need.
"Every day is not going to be a great day, but you've gotta just keep going and keep yourself busy," she said.
In Virginia, Pat, a Navy spouse who also asked to be identified by her first name for security reasons, has tried to keep life as normal as possible for her children, who are in middle and high school.
Since her husband deployed about five months ago, Pat said, her neighbors have been "amazing" about helping with kid pickups and other chores.
Her family wears red on Fridays — a show of support for deployed service members — and so do many of her children's classmates, even those without military connections.
Pat's husband has deployed before. She was pleasantly surprised this time to discover his ship had Wi-Fi, making communication easier.
Still, her family is grappling with the uncertainty of when he will return.
"Having older kids and knowing that dad wasn't there to see those sporting events, some of that's been a little emotional," she said. "But my kids are very resilient."
