The first quarter of the 21st Century was catching its breath like a weary warrior firing his last shots. Judges were hastily called to a meeting. They feared that the first quarter would leave behind deadly mines for the years to come. They were alarmed at how international laws were reviled and how major countries resorted to force and intimidation to get their way. They paused to observe maps that have been torn apart by civil wars, separatist agendas and the folly of militias.
The first accused walked in. His name is Vladimir Putin. He appeared calm, collected, and confident with a mocking smile beginning to take shape. The judge told him: "You are accused of poisoning the international climate, invading a sovereign country and insisting on annexing parts of its territory. The conflict you launched on February 24, 2022 has returned Europe to war and restarted the arms race."
The accused replied: "Your honor, what happened that day is tied to a horrific crime that took place in the final decade of the previous century. The crime was tantamount to a third world war even though not a single bullet was shot. Imagine, your honor, that your enemy managed to kill your parents. What would you do if you had to face your suddenly widowed mother, who almost came to suffer the same horrors as those in Sudan's el-Fasher by the Rapid Support Forces? My father's name was the Soviet Union and my mother's name is Russia. I cannot bring my father back to life, but I can avenge my mother so that she does not suffer the same dark fate."
"Also, your honor, how is it that the United States had the right to invade far-off Iraq and hang Saddam Hussein with the noose of his enemies, while Russia does not have the right to embrace its sons who have been forced to live abroad when Ukraine followed others in choosing to betray the Soviet Union. Yes, I said 'betrayal' and I mean it. I saw the countries that lived off Russia's riches as they danced with joy at its humiliation."
"I know that you are hinting at our nuclear arsenal. Without this, NATO would have come up with greater dreams to deepen the humiliation of the Russian army, the way the Red Army was humiliated when it returned from Afghanistan. Ukraine is an artificial country that was born from collecting the territories of others. Diminishing its size prevents Russia from being surrounded and rockets from reaching deep into its territories. Moreover, Europe deserves to be punished. It tries to weaken Russia whenever it feels powerful. Arrogant Napoleon tried to invade us, but we turned him back defeated. Hitler tried to do the same, and we chased him down and divided his country."
"The world is lucky that the master of the White House is dreaming of the Nobel Peace Prize. I am not like that. I want to go down in history, to stand proud with my ancestors, like Peter the Great and Stalin."
Another accused was summoned before the judge. He approached, with his red tie and arrogant smile. His name is Donald Trump. The judge told him he is accused of stirring chaos in the world as if he were trying to reshape the global order. He doesn't care about the United Nations or other international organizations. He uses intimidation in international relations, moving fleets or threatening to impose sanctions and tariffs.
Trump said: "I thought you were summoning me to honor me as a peacemaker and to grant me the highest honors because I stopped and contained major wars and did not dispatch the American army to Iraq and Afghanistan. I treat the czar of the Kremlin as a friend. I have approached King Il-sung's grandson in the hopes of reining in his hostility and easing his fears."
"The US is a beautiful wealthy woman whose rights, dignity and riches have been exploited by several parties. This woman is my mother and I have taken the decision to restore the grandeur that was taken away from her by foreign evils and weak local actors. The court does not have the right to blame me for ordering the killing of General Qassem Soleimani, who had booby-trapped maps with tunnels and militias. Soleimani and his allies have shed the blood of Americans from Beirut to Baghdad."
"The court should be thanking me for bombarding Iranian nuclear facilities. The world will be hellish if the Iranian supreme leader is allowed to develop a nuclear arsenal. Does the court have the right to criticize me for pursuing ISIS across continents? Does Chavez's successor have the right to send drugs to poison Americans, while I don't have the right to strangle his economy in return? Who would have reined in Netanyahu's determination to continue the war had I not stepped in?"
A third accused was summoned to the court. Xi Jinping entered, calm and collected. The judge accused him of using intimidation as an official policy towards Taiwan and neighboring countries. He accused him of seeking to achieve what Mao Zedong failed to accomplish."
Xi said: "We never sent fighters to other countries. In China, we fought hunger and helped hundreds of millions of people get out of poverty at our own expense. We are practicing our right to scientific and technological progress. Our military arsenal is defensive in nature. If Russia has the right to reclaim parts of Ukraine, then why should China be prevented from reclaiming Taiwan? Its return is inevitable."
The fourth accused walked in, smiling broadly. Kim Jong Un said he does not recognize international testimonies. He stressed that his only duty is to continue the legacy of his father and grandfather, adding that the world is a jungle where in order to survive one has to have fangs. He said that exporting rockets helps serve just causes and weak nations. It is a humanitarian duty. He declared that he was proud that comrade Putin found no other ally than him to come to his aid in the Ukrainian trap where the blood of North Korean soldiers merged with that of Russian soldiers. This is a badge of honor and security policy. He did not deny that his love for the rockets was like the love a father shows to his children.
The judges were alarmed with what they heard. The second quarter of the 21st Century will not be easy. They decided to adjourn the session.
